Stop making others say Me Too

When the Me Too movement started I knew I wanted to write something. It has taken me this long to truly collect my thoughts. Unfortunately, I don’t know many women who cannot say that phrase. We all have dealt with objectification to unwanted advances over the years. We all have a story to tell. There should not be a time limit on that story if it’s one with no resolve. I say this because over the years society has created a stigma when it comes to saying anything to anyone for fear they would have to face a trial. 

A couple of years back I had a guy make me feel so uncomfortable I bought a whole new wardrobe. I knew he wasn’t going away anytime soon so instead of continually confronting him I bought new clothes. I bought clothes that kept me super covered up. I no longer wanted to lose weight because I had gained attention I didn’t want. What hurts the worst though was feeling like I wasn’t supposed to be upset by the remarks made about my body. I had to navigate the awkwardness and the many times I caught this man staring at me. 

I’m not giving a name in this case because thankfully I no longer have to worry about this man. He is no longer in my life, but he caused many issues and arguments in my world for a very long time. And unfortunately, we live in a world where it is up to us sometimes to find alternative ways to avoid people. Instead of merely addressing the issue, have that person respect how we feel, we have to go out of our way not to be alone with that person. Not to even be near that person in a group setting. 

I bring the latter part up because when we are around others and the person who has crossed that line we are left explaining why anger is there. We have to explain why we have taken ourselves out of the situation and not blow it up into something more. I know this because I have a friend who has faced this fear and feelings for some time now. She has not even wanted to go to HR about it because she has learned women who go to HR get passed over for promotions. Women also get deemed trouble makers who go to HR. 

What? Isn’t that the whole point of HR? We are supposed to be able to go to someone. Men and women alike if something is happening that has crossed that line. If someone continually makes you uncomfortable by posing a hypothetical about a desert island with you and sex in the workplace, you should have someone to go to. We should not have to endure hearing I wish I had a picture of you in your car so I can look at it all the time. We should be able to voice our concerns. 

Honestly, it shouldn’t be that hard. It really shouldn’t, but for some reason or another people have gotten to the point where it’s like well, I’m comfortable and it’s all about my comfort. No, no it’s really not. Is your life all about you? Yes to a certain degree. You have the right and responsibility to take care of yourself first so you can help others when needed, but to continue making someone uncomfortable after they have actually made it clear or gone out of their way to avoid you….like just fucking stop. 

Don’t be that person. Do not continually make remarks. Do not make it about you. Just accept you’ve messed up and apologized. Don’t do it again. Boys will not be boys. Some boys will be whatever they can get away with. Some boys will continue getting away with it because their privilege allows it. There’s such a thing as white privilege, but there’s also a thing known as male privilege. As long as there continues to be a hierarchy where women are lesser than, we much continue to fight for what is right and what is wrong. 

If a woman is treating you this way then you as a man need to say something too. You don’t deserve to have anyone treat you like that either. No one deserves to feel uncomfortable in their own skin. No one deserves to feel uncomfortable in their own home. No one deserves to be uncomfortable while working. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE. Period. Trust me when I say our body language reveals that uncomfort. You’ll always know, but it’s your choice to be better than that by looking in the mirror and making that change.

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We should all walk out and walk up

Protesting is important. Letting people know we have a voice is important. Since the discussions of a national walk out started, people have openly chastised the students partaking.  People continually mock these students, these children, for attempting to push change on us as a country.  Continue reading “We should all walk out and walk up”

Stop letting fear run rampant

For years I have let what ifs run my life. Not good what ifs, but the negative ones. I’ve let them run my life far longer than I should have. I’ve given people far more power than they have deserved. And I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m not going to beg anyone to be in my life. Are there people I feel I should be in touch with far more than I am? Yes.  The only problem with this desire is that I’m human and I make excuses just like everyone else when when the end of the day is quickly approaching. Am I grateful for those who make an effort when I don’t? YES! Even if we see each other once a year, I know that you thought enough about me to make that effort. Do I want to see you more? Of course. Do I always have the time? Unfortunately not. Am I trying to re-prioritize?  Yes.

The majority of my days are filled with work. Forty hours of my week is devoted to my job. At least thirty minutes to an hour is devoted to walking or some form of exercise. Another hour or two goes to writing something every night. Even if I have to walk away from whatever is on my mind, like my Friend Request review, and come back to post it later. My goal is to write, which is more work. Harder work than people give it credit for at times that is certain. I also want to read for at least an thirty minutes to an hour a night as well. During the week plans for anything else is generally shot to hell or sometimes time gets chipped slowly from somewhere else.

Continue reading “Stop letting fear run rampant”

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