Honestly, I Wanna Be Brave

I think a lot of times, we believe we are stuck when we need that weird push. Or maybe that is just me. That is how the pandemic had me feeling. I felt like I was stuck, and no matter what I tried to accomplish or what job I applied for, my destiny would end up being retail. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, but if you’ve ever worked retail, you might know what my enthusiasm to go back is lacking currently. For a while, I felt like nothing was going to change. Every writing job I applied for either turned out to be a scam; please be careful on Indeed, or I would never hear back from them.

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Gratitude In The Chaos

My body has finally accepted that I do not need to be on alert. It felt weird crawling out of bed at one in the afternoon on March 14th, and I think it’s because I kept thinking I need to do more in my mind. I need to do this, and if I had done this, then this wouldn’t have happened. After talking to my therapist, I agreed that I hadn’t fully processed what happened with my dad. Well, I had processed what occurred, but not my feelings. She told me it was like listening to a third party talking about what had occurred, and I can’t disagree. To be honest, I’m not even sure I truly want to process them now. And maybe this isn’t something I should do publicly, but writing about things has always been easier than truly talking about it sometimes. Writing takes me to this place where I can reveal it all and honestly say fuck you to any judgment that might come my way.

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