There’s always one song that I tend to go to when I’m feeling stuck. For some reason that song is Over The Moon. Yes, the RENT song. There’s something oddly therapeutic about singing along with those lyrics. Of course over the years the lyrics have taken on a completely different meaning than what was originally intended. After all, the song at its core is about eviction. But to me the song represents not giving up on oneself. After all, most of the people at Maureen’s protest are homeless. They are also other artists who determined not to let go of their dreams and their desires, thus they cannot imagine even one performance space taken from them.
Tonight in the shower though, I sang along with Maureen Johnson and felt something entirely different. I let out all my frustrations of not being where I thought I would be at my age. The other day I heard something on the radio about people around my age dealing with similar feelings as I am now. We get stuck with this image in our heads our entire lives of what should look like. And despite knowing that there is not some magical timeline, and that everyone achieves their goals at different times in their lives, not achieving them and being where I thought I would be is far more difficult to swallow on some days than others.
So there I was belting out I gotta get outta here. It’s like I’m being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck being packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil. Pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse. I’ve gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta find a way. To jump over the moon only thing to do is jump over the moon. Those particular lyrics this evening struck a chord within that I have never felt more passionate about. And in that moment I quit feeling sorry for myself and forced myself to look into the future.
Granted, I don’t have some crystal ball explaining to me all the good that came out of taking another grammar test this evening. One test I did well on, and the one that mattered made me feel as though I didn’t know anything. Thus the lyrics struck a chord. Thus the second test. Nerves and desires can cause performance anxiety so now I’m in debate mode of if that is the reason I did so poorly on the former test. Regardless, this has me wanting to read over some grammar rules every day now. Irrational, maybe, but if studying and reminding myself of the rules now and then is something to help me jump over the moon then I’m going to grab the cow’s tail, hold on, and fly.
And since there will be no loneliness in my thought process you could all do one small thing for me….
I’m going to imagine that all of you reading this did just that and that you all sound beautiful! MOO!