I took an impromptu break from writing. This wasn’t even remotely planned, but I’ve been trying to do things to take my mind off of losing my fur baby. That hasn’t really worked if I’m being honest. I’m left wondering why I am taking it so hard this time. Maybe the difference is literally being there for his last breath, but the truth is I don’t have an answer. I do know that I need to text a woman I met while completing my civic duty otherwise known as jury duty.
I’m a firm believer that we meet people at certain times and that others reenter our lives and more present during certain ebbs and flows of life. True friends are always there, and we meet new friends over the years at points when we need them the most. I feel God brings them to us. In a weird way I feel that Rhonda was brought into my life to let me know it was okay to let go of my dog. She told me the story of how one of her dogs passed and the endings are so similar that I cannot help but tilt my head a bit in hindsight.
To say I’m grateful for her not knowing what building to go into, following me, and sitting next to me that day is to say the least. I’m glad she chose to share her story with me because among the other signs I knew I did the right thing by letting my fur baby go. I still know that, but for some reason there is this dull ache in my heart about him still that won’t go away. I read somewhere that it takes twenty-one days to get over the loss of someone you loved. I have been wondering if that applies with animals. But I don’t know that I believe the theory with the people in our lives necessarily.
Loss and grief are tricky. There are ebbs and flows with the process. Sometimes we are good and then other times the littlest thing happens and we are left a bawling mess. I say this because every time I see a preview for Mamma Mia 2 I get misty eyed. I know how much my mom would have wanted to see the sequel. And while her wanting to see The Time Traveler’s Wife has kept me from watching it over the years, I will see Mamma Mia 2 even if I am a hot mess during it at some point. Can you be a hot mess during a musical? Yes. RENT and Les Misérables have taught me so.
Back to my original point though. I’m so glad I’ve had all the people I’ve had to lean on recently. And there is a part of me that feels I’m hanging on closer to this loss of my fur baby because of all the other losses this year so far too. 2018 has seriously kicked my ass so far despite all the good that has occurred in my life as well. It’s been a lovely, and not so lovely. 2018 has been a true blend of sorrow and great joy thus far. I’m glad to have new friends as well as old ones to lean on through all this.
I didn’t write about it on here in detail, but during the ten day process with Oreo staying in the house, my other dog went missing for three days. During that time I leaned on two old friends that reached out via Facebook messenger. I appreciate this more than I can express to you both. I’m also glad that I was kinda forced out of my house the Saturday after my loss for a day of mani/pedis, Mexican food, shopping, and a movie. You two ladies helped in ways you don’t even know. I can say the same about friends who texted and called. The past week and a half have made me feel beyond grateful for those of you in my life, even if you’re primarily in my life through social media for the time being.
I know people out there that see me as being too emotionally attached to my animals, but to that I shrug. I would not have done that Friday over again in any other way. I’m the type of person who wears my heart on my sleeve. I find it difficult to hide my emotions nine times out of ten, but sometimes I’m far better at hiding than people will ever know. Depression and anxiety taught me such and while it’s not the best way to handle the curve balls that life throws at us, sometimes my emotions hide until they are willing to be revealed. Plus it keeps me away, mostly, from not so genuine people in the process. I think that’s far more important than not these days.
The truth is my heart will heal. My life will go on. This year will continue being mostly amazing. If I put that in the universe it has to be so right? My whole point is that without friends and family, and some that double as both, I’m positive I would be curled up on a couch somewhere this year while waving my hand at responsibilities at this point. Thank God I’m not.