I’m just a daydreamer one of those hopeless believers

I have been trying to catch up on the Arrowverse for a while now.  I’m finally all caught up on all four shows.  During the last season season two of Supergirl Cat Grant said, “Life is long and you will be many people before the end. This quote has stuck with me for some time now.  I think sometimes we are many different people, yet the same person.  I have thought a lot this past year about facades and what we show people and what we don’t.  I’ve try to be as open as possible, but I do think certain events in our lives that change us.  I’m not the same person I was before losing Chris.  I’m not the same person I was before losing my mom.  Both versions before suffering those losses in my life are distant thoughts.  I honestly cannot remember those versions of myself.

A part of me that used to consider this a bad thing.  I used to believe that somehow made me lesser not remembering those people.  I used to believe that it was pointless to shoot for any of the dreams I once had because my mother was no longer here to witness them.  Plenty of others are here though and deep down my mother will see my dreams come true.  I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and in due time.  There have been times that I have felt defeated and that nothing I ever truly wanted would come true.  I can’t really say that anymore though because I’ve taken what I feel is a baby step in the right direction.

A little over a month ago, I started freelance writing for FanFest.com I have been eyeing for over a year now.  I kept checking to to see if they were accepting applications sporadically throughout the year.  And when I thought I would need to find a new day job due to the wording of a text I noticed they were accepting applications.  I sat on my couch for a good moment debating if I were seeing things. This was happening.  I took it as a sign to apply.  I kept thinking I wouldn’t get picked. Anything negative my anxiety had to say about a new opportunity in my life prevailed.  Though my anxiety was wrong.  When I received the email I almost screamed out in the office I work.  I was overjoyed and I still am. I have nothing but high praise for all the writers and editors on the site.  Thank you for making me feel at home and feel like my writing is worth something.

Writing is something I have been passionate about my whole life.  Those passions of course have changed the older I get.  Some have stayed the same.  I refuse to let go of some things. While I cannot recall what birthday it was, I can remember two friends talking about myself and another friend.  We were excited about a movie we had seen at the time and talked about our lives, which at the time included mainly college.  They mentioned something about not having time for movies or anything we really loved once we got jobs.  It was in that moment I refused for that to ever be the case.  I would have things in my life I loved even if people thought they were meaningless.

Until recently though I found myself struggling to get back into anything I loved.  I wasn’t sure what path I truly wanted to take.  The truth is I really love writing.  The past month has been one of the best I’ve had in a long time.  Have I put pressure on myself?  Of course.  Have I had doubts I could do this?  Yes.  I cannot help but have doubts, but the truth is I can. I have friends who think I can too.  Recently I chatted with a friend I have not talked with in some time.  I realized how much I missed talking with her and she reminded me that I should pursue other writing as well and that my conquer all writing should be my goal.  I have another friend who has sent me great information on self publishing as well.

So I have new goals. I am looking forward to continuing to learn more about writing.  I look forward to working with editors.  I love being a part of the writing community and all the writers I have met already on Instagram.  I seriously love it all.  If there is anything I have taken from this past year is even though I went through some depression, I put myself on the right path.  I am on the right path and I cannot wait to write a second year post for this blog.  I cannot wait to continue growing as a writer and making more goals to help me grow as a person as well. Life is okay. Being a daydreamer and a hopeless believer is okay. I’m good.