My body has finally accepted that I do not need to be on alert. It felt weird crawling out of bed at one in the afternoon on March 14th, and I think it’s because I kept thinking I need to do more in my mind. I need to do this, and if I had done this, then this wouldn’t have happened. After talking to my therapist, I agreed that I hadn’t fully processed what happened with my dad. Well, I had processed what occurred, but not my feelings. She told me it was like listening to a third party talking about what had occurred, and I can’t disagree. To be honest, I’m not even sure I truly want to process them now. And maybe this isn’t something I should do publicly, but writing about things has always been easier than truly talking about it sometimes. Writing takes me to this place where I can reveal it all and honestly say fuck you to any judgment that might come my way.
Continue reading “Gratitude In The Chaos”Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride
I feel like I’m in one of those television episodes where the day keeps starting over, and each character gives you a different perspective of what occurred that day. Except, in this case, it’s the last twenty hours. I took one of my uncles and my father to urgent care last night. And I thought once I got home, that would be it. I thought my drama for the next couple of days was done. No more. Boy, was I fucking wrong. It’s like life essentially laughed in my face and yelled, “HOLD MY BEER,” while proceeding to wonder just how much I could take the next twelve hours. Let me tell you. I don’t know if that is much more, and that’s the damn truth. Insert your trigger warning here cause it’s been a hell of a day folks.
Continue reading “Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride”When words are both true and kind they can change the world
I read the quote and title above earlier, making me feel like more of a Buddahist than ever. Before the hurricane-force winds and storm-ravaged Georgia last week, my goal was to write a post about the importance of voting. The importance of showing where you stand and what you believe in ultimately. This week has changed my desire to do that as we move on from it. Plus, other people’s words have brought different thoughts to the forefront too.
Continue reading “When words are both true and kind they can change the world”Trust Me When I Say Self-Sabotaging Gets You Nowhere
Burn out can be real. There has to be a happy balance between life and what you want to do. Sometimes, over-thinking can become detrimental, and other times, we become victims of a woe-is-me mentality. These words aren’t to negate those feelings, but ultimately I found myself in this place where I was thinking of the past. I found myself thinking about all the times that I stopped when people had “got me” per se. And it’s not about fear at that point. It’s about getting hung up on what someone else thinks of you.
Continue reading “Trust Me When I Say Self-Sabotaging Gets You Nowhere”Social Media Drains Our Mental Health
They always say never talk politics over dinner. Every Thanksgiving, we as a nation post memes about brushing off remarks made by our family. Yet, I sit here after maybe an hour of sleep for the second time within a week. It is a little past nine in the morning, and I might fall asleep around ten if I’m lucky. The other day I realized how tired I am of not saying how I feel about these matters. I realized that for the last four years, I have been in a place where I thought if I spoke about this freely, I had one fear in the back of my mind. I’d lose a family member.
Continue reading “Social Media Drains Our Mental Health”A Year Later…Kinda Sorta
About a year and almost two months ago, I wrote a piece for this site. I wrote an article for me. A piece that many people connected with despite it being one of my darkest times. I was not a good place. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I started going to therapy. I never knew how bad I had beat up on myself and let all these naysayers get in my head over the years. In many ways, I let fear dictate my life instead of going for what I wanted. In many ways, I’d be lying if I said I had not done this for some time now. Lately, I find myself applying for numerous jobs online. All of them so far have been writing based because that is my passion. Ultimately at the end of the day, I love writing. But because I kept hearing all these little things and letting them stay with me, I could not break through my bullshit to dive deeper into who I could be.
Continue reading “A Year Later…Kinda Sorta”It’s Okay Not To Be Okay
When your mind is as heavy as your heart, sometimes it’s hard to convey what it’s like when you become disheartened. I think a lot of us in a strange place right now. We all want to live our lives to the best of our abilities, but we’re scared and rightfully so. Yet I’ve had one thought replaying over and over.
Continue reading “It’s Okay Not To Be Okay”