On most social media sites these days you are always getting tagged in something. Okay maybe not. I feel like I do not get tagged in a lot, but generally when I do I participate in them even if it takes me what feels like a proverbial five years to complete whatever survey I have been asked to fill out.
This time I can honestly say this has taken me about three days and a lot of thought. The challenge in question is the #ifiwasabook challenge. I think in a lot of ways this is something we all think of from time to time. What our movie would be called? What genre of music would be? What would our first solo album title be? Or you know maybe that is me and my little fictional universe I like to day dream about from time to time. Who knows. Either way, these are questions I have thought about in passing, but never really given them much more thought than that. So hopefully you will enjoy my answers and want to take the challenge yourself. And to the poor souls on Instagram I will be tagging you too! Sorry, not sorry.
What would the title be? How Zombie Unicorns Saved The Ninja Turtles (and other awesome stories). This was probably the hardest question for me to answer. There are so many different fandoms I consider myself a part of that finding an appropriate title that encompasses me as a whole was far more difficult than I ever thought it could have been. I even asked for help from a friend because I felt I could not come up with a great title for my own book. Oddly enough when asking her about my title she mentioned half of the stuff you are about to read so I feel I did an amazing job answering these!
Who would write it? Jenny Lawson. I feel she could elaborate on my life in such a manner that would make everyone laugh. I also feel like she would be able to understand the ups and downs I have had probably far better than any other writer out there right now. I would trust her wholeheartedly. If she happened to give me a taxidermist friend in the novel I would also be okay with that too. For some reason I could see myself having a stuffed monkey. That’s seems rational. I mean I would want a koala if that would be possible, but I will take what I can get in my fictional world. My monkey should be named whatever the monkey in Monkey Shines was named too just to freak people out. Well, the people who have actually seen that movie.
What cover would you choose? I kind of like the idea of there being a cartoon version of me with all these random objects above my head and I’m looking up smiling at all of them. And the title would be above that and Jenny Lawson’s name would be at the bottom of the book. Brilliance. Oh and the illustration would be like one from the eighties with bright neon colors. Dreamy sigh. I love my book cover.
Paperback or hardback? Both! Insert Shane McMahon’s theme song here please. I’m just kidding. But I would like both because people would clearly need to collect my book in all it’s glory and then some would need a paperback so it could become super worn from the multiple times they read my book.
How many pages? My first book would be about 340 pages I think. I want to believe that people will find my insanity so interesting that they will want at least two more books and somehow my first book will morph into a trilogy. In a lot of ways, I think I could be a Bridget Jones series, expect I would not lose the weight by whatever book that happens in because I like brownies too much.
Genre? Mine would be this weird mix of a dramatic comedy. There have been so many moments this year in my life that have been far too dramatic for my liking, as I think other people have experienced too, but for the most part I’m so weird and quirky my life is more of a comedy.
Whose comment would you like on the back cover? All the authors! If Jenny Lawson wrote my book, since I know she has made up stuff on the back of hers, I’m expecting some love from her somehow. I want love from Stephen King too. I want him to think this is the funniest book he has ever read and in times know that it brought him to tears somehow. I want Matthew Quick to say that I’m a complex human being with some of most unique quirks he has ever seen! And I want J.K. Rowling insisting that I become a trilogy because she needs to know more. Clearly, I want too much but if I get to live this fantasy for a moment I’m living it!
And that is all folks! That is how I see myself as a book. Maybe I should actually get on writing this myself. Maybe people would be interested in my story. Maybe…just maybe. Until then here is a picture of an adorable baby koala to occupy your time.
michellepatterson.net 
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