I have twenty-three pending drafts outside of this one. So now this is twenty-four, until I hit publish and it takes me back down to twenty-three. I typically have grand intentions of what I should be doing with my time or how I can do more. Today, when I was listening to a chapter in a Rachel Hollis book, “Girl, Stop Apologizing,” she pointed out that we have to pick one thing to focus on. Once that goal is complete, we can move onto the other dreams we want to complete. It’s great advice. It makes sense. By dividing focus between one thing or another, one always suffers in the end. In a way, I think I have suffered despite being told about a thousand times a couple of weeks ago to take care of myself. I’m important. I’m reminded of being told in therapy that I have to put the oxygen mask on myself first because if not, I’m no help to anyone else. So with all these thoughts, I wanted to make a declaration of sorts. I feel like I make these, and then I slack off on them, but that stops today. I have to stop that.
The truth is I am juggling more than one thing, but one is more habit now for a greater goal. I haven’t felt truly burnt out with these actions, and maybe that is because I’ve been doing what I want to do in a way. I know to have a great blog, most people have a YouTube channel or a podcast. I want to do both. I’ve mentioned wanting to do both, but at the time, I did not have the much-needed necessities that I researched ad nauseum to get the job done. Everything I kept looking up cost more money, and quite frankly, even keeping this site going right now cost me money I probably should not be spending on it. Getting healthier is costing me money that I know I need to spend to stay well, but it’s far harder than anyone gives it credit for at the end of the day. And I’m juggling both getting healthy and trying to make this site better because this is what I want.
It’s one of my three dreams. I want to be able to write for a living. Part of that is blogging. The other part of that is working toward writing books. Some of that will be on my own, and I’m hoping once I get this handled and get the hang of everything, instead of watching hours of tutorials, I will be able to forge forward with those ideas and write with a friend. I feel like many things always get put on the back burner, and I know I did that recently. Granted, we do those things for our family. Accidents happen. Events occur that we do not see coming. If the pandemic has taught me nothing, it’s that. I cannot control anything but myself. I can control these outcomes. I can put in the time and effort into making this blog and a podcast awesome. Once I figure out what is going on there, I have to focus on its marketing. While I wish I had the money to pay all the people to do this for me, I do not right now. One day I will. Tomorrow I’m going to write that I have that money and I do that. I have a team.
Part of success is believing in yourself. And while I say I believe in myself, sometimes I take about ten steps backward and fall into the mindset I’m used to because it has protected me all this time. It’s the same with losing weight. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that being fluffy hasn’t given me some comfort over the years. This isn’t because Oreos are comforting. This isn’t because devouring a bag of Doritos just made sense. It’s because it creates this barrier almost where I don’t have to worry about those around me finding me attractive. News flash, some guys do. A lot of guys do. I’ve made up so many fake boyfriends over the past couple of years to get out of giving guys my number that I don’t even understand it myself anymore. It’s this weird defense mechanism and coping mechanism in a way to fall back into what we know. A way to protect ourselves by putting up a wall. Except somehow I bricked myself in.
However, I’ve paid money the past year to learn better habits. I’ve learned so much about myself physically and the obstacles I’ve had in my way. One of those things is that we have to have help with our dreams. Yes, our dreams take a lot of our blood, sweat, and tears. That is what we’ve been taught over the years. Although, I cannot say that the mind has come with a lot of blood. I’m hoping I can leave that part out of the dream-making process. Tears. Sweat. Cursing. Yeah, that sounds more like it. I bring this up because I need to write what needs to get done. I have to write more. I have to take the time and write on this blog, and it’s going to be on various topics. I do plan on getting back into writing more about Good Girls again, I swear. I have not abandoned you ladies, but I am behind, and since I no longer have the same access as before, I’m watching it in real-time with the rest of you, so my plans of writing a creative recap and a traditional recap for her has been squashed for the time being.
This week though, I have to finish recording and mix the first episode of my podcast. That’s the main goal this week. I want it to be ready to go by next week. I want to make so many posts a week, which means possibly taking the time to write whenever possible and schedule them. I know that many people don’t want you to know this, but part of blogging is based on scheduling these pieces to come out most of the time. Yes, things are written in real-time, but we all have to schedule pieces because we’d probably never have time to truly write and get these pieces published promptly if we didn’t.
And last but not least, I know I have to start plotting out short stories. I know I have to make time to start writing these and writing poetry. Writing is the primary focus of all this because, without writing, there is no podcast either. I have to have an idea that sounds solid because if not, it will sound like I’m babbling on for thirty minutes to an hour every time.
Will these first episodes be crazy to listen to in hindsight? Probably. They might even suck. But the thing about writing is each of us has a story to tell. OUR story. And as I’ve said, our story matters. If I’ve typed anything enough to believe it’s the truth, it’s that mantra. So while I have said before, look out for things to come, I mean it this time. You will see a lot of upcoming posts. Please share them. Comment me. Enjoy.
michellepatterson.net 
Leave a Reply