Category: personal

Nightmarish Learning Curves

There have been times that I miss college and miss school in general. I think it’s because while there, you’re encouraged to learn. You’re paying to learn at that point, so why would you not gobble up everything there is to offer? There’s no reason not to. The older I get, though, the more I realize that we should always keep learning something. I like having my mind active outside of horror and mystery books sometimes. I have read more self-help books since I entered therapy than I ever thought I’d read in this lifetime. And in the past two weeks, I have watched more tutorials on making a podcast and editing in Audacity than I ever thought I would. However, just because you watch the tutorials does not make you a master overnight. In fact, that learning curve can sometimes kick your ass, as it did me. Let me explain.

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Not All Fluff Is Equal

A while back, I began to follow I Weigh on Instagram. Today I discovered a post from last week that Your Body, Your Image posted on Twitter and Instagram. Earlier in the week, obesity was trending on Twitter. As someone struggling to lose weight, has always struggled to lose weight, this post made me feel great about myself. Because the truth is obesity is a harsh word. It sucks to see, it sucks to hear, and it sucks to say. I hated having that as a reason to get my COVID shot recently. 

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Circle Circle Dot Dot Now I Got My COVID Shot (Dose 1)

If this is the first post of mine you ever read, you should know, I HATE NEEDLES. I cannot stand getting my blood drawn. Every time I get my blood drawn, I have to look at the nearest wall until the blood is drawn. I can talk during this process, and sometimes I make faces if the needle hurts going in, but at the end of the day, I hate needles. They scare the hell out of me. And when it comes to watching blood go into the tubes–that’s one big nope! That is also not my cup of tea. 

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A Year Later – How a Movie Won Over The Highway Men on ‘The Walking Dead.’

Lately, I have been thinking about a post I made two years ago as of yesterday. A year before we knew there would be a global pandemic. A year before, I had to face the fact that some of the talking points I laid out in my article, How a Movie Won Over The Highway Men on ‘The Walking Dead’ would become somewhat true. The crazy part is I remember the last time I went to see a film in a theater– the exact day. It was March 12, 2020, and I saw two films that night. I saw The Hunt, and I saw Bloodshot. And since I saw Bloodshot first, the last film I saw in theaters was The Hunt. 

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How a Movie Won Over The Highway Men on ‘The Walking Dead’

I originally posted this article on a different site two years ago, on March 26, 2019.

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Gratitude In The Chaos

My body has finally accepted that I do not need to be on alert. It felt weird crawling out of bed at one in the afternoon on March 14th, and I think it’s because I kept thinking I need to do more in my mind. I need to do this, and if I had done this, then this wouldn’t have happened. After talking to my therapist, I agreed that I hadn’t fully processed what happened with my dad. Well, I had processed what occurred, but not my feelings. She told me it was like listening to a third party talking about what had occurred, and I can’t disagree. To be honest, I’m not even sure I truly want to process them now. And maybe this isn’t something I should do publicly, but writing about things has always been easier than truly talking about it sometimes. Writing takes me to this place where I can reveal it all and honestly say fuck you to any judgment that might come my way.

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Creating Missions to Regain Some Sanity

I have twenty-three pending drafts outside of this one. So now this is twenty-four, until I hit publish and it takes me back down to twenty-three. I typically have grand intentions of what I should be doing with my time or how I can do more. Today, when I was listening to a chapter in a Rachel Hollis book, “Girl, Stop Apologizing,” she pointed out that we have to pick one thing to focus on. Once that goal is complete, we can move onto the other dreams we want to complete. It’s great advice. It makes sense. By dividing focus between one thing or another, one always suffers in the end. In a way, I think I have suffered despite being told about a thousand times a couple of weeks ago to take care of myself. I’m important. I’m reminded of being told in therapy that I have to put the oxygen mask on myself first because if not, I’m no help to anyone else. So with all these thoughts, I wanted to make a declaration of sorts. I feel like I make these, and then I slack off on them, but that stops today. I have to stop that.

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Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride

I feel like I’m in one of those television episodes where the day keeps starting over, and each character gives you a different perspective of what occurred that day. Except, in this case, it’s the last twenty hours. I took one of my uncles and my father to urgent care last night. And I thought once I got home, that would be it. I thought my drama for the next couple of days was done. No more. Boy, was I fucking wrong. It’s like life essentially laughed in my face and yelled, “HOLD MY BEER,” while proceeding to wonder just how much I could take the next twelve hours. Let me tell you. I don’t know if that is much more, and that’s the damn truth. Insert your trigger warning here cause it’s been a hell of a day folks.

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When words are both true and kind they can change the world

I read the quote and title above earlier, making me feel like more of a Buddahist than ever. Before the hurricane-force winds and storm-ravaged Georgia last week, my goal was to write a post about the importance of voting. The importance of showing where you stand and what you believe in ultimately. This week has changed my desire to do that as we move on from it. Plus, other people’s words have brought different thoughts to the forefront too.

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Trust Me When I Say Self-Sabotaging Gets You Nowhere

Burn out can be real. There has to be a happy balance between life and what you want to do. Sometimes, over-thinking can become detrimental, and other times, we become victims of a woe-is-me mentality. These words aren’t to negate those feelings, but ultimately I found myself in this place where I was thinking of the past. I found myself thinking about all the times that I stopped when people had “got me” per se. And it’s not about fear at that point. It’s about getting hung up on what someone else thinks of you. 

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