My Veins Are Little Assholes

All this past week I have been far more nervous about getting my blood drawn than normal. I think my body realized that and truly decided to reject the the act this morning. I’m not sure, but I am still shaking my head at how my day started.

I finally made myself get out of bed, instead of working from my phone, and immediately started drinking water. On days I have to get my blood drawn it’s a must for me to drink water. My veins like to hide and do not want the attention. Here I was thinking after my third 24oz tumbler of water that I was good to go! I was going to go get my blood drawn at 9 and I would be in and out.

I get there and the floor my dad said the labs were on was not the case. I produce to call him and he gives me another floor. Not there either. By the time I got to the second floor of the building, I realized it was on floor….wait for it…ONE. Despite double checking about the lab order being int he system, they did not have an order in the system.

So then I messaged them. I gave the woman the number and she tried calling. Nothing. Thankfully, she agreed to draw the blood and once the order came in they’d process it accordingly. She did tell me one of them had to be thrown out after 12 hours though cause the test would not be valid.

I thanked her cause I was annoyed by the situation. Not really at anyone in particular as I know this is a trying time to right now. Just annoyed that an order that should have been in the system for today since last year was not there, causing more work for the woman there.

THEN I get in the chair. I think, “I‘M GOLDEN. THREE TUMBLRS DRANK. BOOM.” She tries the first vein which proceeded to tell her, “NO BLOOD FOR YOU! YOU GET NO BLOOD! HOW DARE YOU SUMMON ME THIS MORNING!“

I was the equilvant of a sigh at that point, but in a good mood. So then she tries to find another vein and nothing. It’s like they all got togteher this morning, despite the water, and shouted, “NO. WE ARE TIRED! AND YOU HAVE NOT GIVEN US THE MORNING JUICE!” Morning juice is commonly known here as coffee.

So then…THEN…there’s a vein and it’s all cute. It’s batting its faux eyelashes and saying, “Do it. Take my blood. You want my blood.” And they go to get butterfly needles for me cause it’s the ONLY way to get the blood from THAT vein okay?

And I wait. I call my dad cause I talked him into driving me in case my car was going to pull some dramatics this morning. You know, the whole, “YOU HAVE ABANDONED ME FOR A WEEK AND WANT ME TO WORK!!! BITCH, PLEASE.” I explain to him that my veins are being little assholes. He jokes abou leaving me there. I hang up and start reading emails/working.

This all leads to her getting a ton of butterfly needles. So I was happy for those people who would need them too. She then sticks me again. IT REALLY HURT going in for some reason. I mean REALLY HURT. It was so weird and I have an awesome bruise going on. And I tought, “IT’LL BE FINE CAUSE IT’LL BE WORTH IT!“

And then….nothing. The vein went from flirting to saying, “NOPE Y’ALL WAITED TOO LONG I NEED THE JUICE TOO.” So now I have to go back sometime soon to get my flipping blood drawn…maybe. And I say maybe cause my veins are all ASFLSKDF NO JUICE, NO BLOOD. Insert my whine about not wanting to turn into a walking bruise. Sigh.